On Letting Go

“In the process of letting go, you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself”

~ Deepak Chopra

Many years ago I experienced several bouts of trauma.  Like more than humanly necessary.  Each of the experiences left me with unresolved feelings of resentment, pain and frustration. So much so that I convinced myself that since I had experienced these things, and apparently I was not successful in dealing with them – I was not worthy of living.  Damn – that’s extreme huh?  Many people experience similar feelings.  Being let down, abused, or even embarrassed, are only a few of the things that can cause us to internalize the effects of the experience and develop beliefs that create barriers to us moving forward.

Here’s the thing, when we hold on to the pain of our past – it doesn’t actually fix anything.  Unless you have access to a time machine, and can turn back the hands of time, it’s over.  Reliving the experience and replaying the circumstances does not change what happened.  Or, if you’re like me, processing the events over and over to see what could have happened differently – only puts the negative emotions on a continuous cycle of repetition.  

The only way to move forward in life is to work towards letting go of the past.  Letting go of the past will allow you to build a stronger sense of self, it will increase your confidence and ultimately allow you to focus on the future you want to build.  Letting go empowers you with the blessings and manifestations of TODAY.  

In order to move forward and let go – I mean truly let go, we have to do a few things:

Do mindset work – This is the first, and I would argue, most important step.  In most cases the effects of whatever we are holding on to strongly contributes to the development of limiting beliefs.  Using strategies to move from a deficit mindset to a growth mindset will make moving through the other components more easily.

Practice Acceptance – Sometimes we just get stuck on the “why”?  Why did they leave? Why did they do this?  Why did this happen to me? Why won’t they change? The reality is – sometimes you won’t get the answer you’re looking for and you won’t be able to figure it out.  Acceptance is not agreeing with what happened.  It is accepting that no matter what the result was, you no longer need to be attached to it.

Leave room for mistakes – here’s the thing (in case you didn’t know) NO ONE IS PERFECT.  Everyone makes mistakes.  There is no way you can move through a life that is full of unexpected circumstances and not screw a couple of things up.  Additionally, sometimes you carry feelings (consciously or unconsciously) that make you respond in a way that may not be ideal.  It’s ok. Life goes on and you can learn from your mistakes and do something different the next time.

Let go of the need to control – Look.  Take it from a reformed control freak – while control can be a motivator to discipline, exercising control over situations and others is created from fear.  Fear that someone won’t do things the way we would, fear that maybe they will hurt us again, or if you’re like me – fear that others will not do things “the right way”.

Learn to forgive yourself and others – I know you’ve heard it before – forgiveness is not for the other person it is for you.  And it’s true. When you refuse to forgive, you hold on to whatever was done to you and you give it power over your life. When you forgive, you use your positive mindset to accept what happened, you acknowledge that you (or anyone else for that matter) is not perfect, and you move on to experiencing a life of freedom.

Letting go is not always easy, but it is so worth it.  How would it feel if you could let go of any past pain and move on to focusing on where you really want to go?